he's just not that into you...

I'm not sure I have mentioned this before but I am in fact severely dyslexic (for those of you that have just thought 'how can someone with sever dyslexia write a blog?', go and do some research! Thanks), but although I am dyslexic I am a also an enormous book worm (Don't you just love a bit of irony). There is nothing I enjoy more than being left alone so I can become utterly engrossed in a book and its characters.

The number of times I have wept in sympathy for a fictional characters pain and loss is, I'm almost sure, twice as much as I do over my own heartbreak. This may be tragic, however, it's possibly why I rely on these books so much as they allow me to let go of all of the emotional baggage I find so difficult to let go of myself. Yes, convincing myself that all my tears are being shed for poor John-Boy's grief is sometimes that bit easier than admitting I need to shed these tears for my own emotionally needs (I feel I need to set the record straight here; I have never read any story involving a character named John-Boy, but I couldn't ruin a plot of any book I had read. I'm not that cruel!).

In the true style of a master procrastinator, when searching for a birthday gift for my wonderful flat mate I stumbled across a £3 copy of the book 'he's just not that into you' (Score!). A fairly small book (perfect for procrastinating as I would feel far too guilty knowingly allowing myself to get sucked into a book that was too meaty. There really is an art to a true procrastinator. You never allow yourself to truly realise how much you are procrastinating until you have well and truly completed the job in which you are avoiding, and starting a 900 page gritty novel that would engulf itself into your every thought would be a step too far and there would be no way to excuse that kind of procrastination with several deadlines looming) and if it were anything like the light hearted film of the same name, then it really would be a perfect read. You can imagine then my shock and surprise when this wee find turned out to be a self-help/dating book. Oh, good Lord! Procrastination out the window then. Or perhaps not.

I have only ever read one self-help/dating book and that was only because my darling mum bought it for me as she thought it was 'just a bit of fun'. It was called 'Jane Austen's guide to dating' written by Lauren Henderson, and if I'm honest with you I barely schemed it and raced to the end to complete the 'which Jane Austen character are you?' quiz (Elizabeth Bennet, I thank you). So I'll forgive you for wondering why on earth I would carry on reading 'he's just not that into'. Well, procrastination is a wonderful motivator at times, I can tell you. However, procrastination and self-help aside, this book has turned out to be a genuinely funny read. Who'd have thought?

Greg Behrendt's (author) blunt and at times, brutally harsh explanations as to why a guy is not behaving as you had wished is wonderfully refreshing and actually very witty. He points out, more than once, that men would rather scratch out their own eyeballs than admit to a girl that they just don't like her enough. Men are, in simple, cowards. Greg's words, not mine. However, before we all start quoting Bridget Jones and shouting 'Fuck to the Fuckwittages' from the mountain tops, it's important to remember that men don't lie, of sorts, either. If they are just not that into you, they are probably making it perfectly clear in their actions.

The concept, as you can see, is a beautifully basic one, and one I feel I follow (ninety nine per cent of the time that is), that if a guy isn't calling you, is breaking promises (even the small ones) or even not having sex with you (well, D'oh! on that one!! Really girls) then they are just not that into you. The end. No if's, and's or but's. Ok, so we all know that there are of course exceptions to every rule, however, what are the chances that every single one of us has found a guy who isn't calling us or committing to us who miraculously turns around one day and realises, after you've pointed it out to him, that you are everything he never knew he wanted and decides he does want to spend the rest of his life with you? That you are the exception to the rule or his exception anyway. Slim to none I'm afraid. Therefore, isn't it easier on yourself, and your heart for that matter, to believe that you are simply 'the rule' and move on? I think so. Whether I take Greg's advice on this when it comes to my exception remains to be seen.

Although, I found it difficult to relate to the witty stories sent into Greg, I did find that I really rather related to Liz Tuccillo, the co-author who summarized each chapter. She didn't seem to have any commitment issues herself but she did admit to being attracted to emotionally unavailable men, and boy did I relate to that. There is obviously some characteristic that the emotionally unavailable share that just ticks my boxes. Really, is there any hope for me? I hate to think. Yes, even I, with all my commitment issues can on a very rare occasion fall (or almost) for someone and for someone like me who doesn't put themselves out there all that often it can be all too easy to read far too much into a sign that you wish was there rather than ones that are actually there. I do believe that he's just not that into you might become a most important statement. Let's face it, I'm just not that into so many perfectly adorable men, so why should we be upset when one of them is just not that into us?

So I have decided to listen to Greg and agree with his co-author Liz, and say 'Fuck them all', it really doesn't matter, he's just not that into me. Oddly enough, and I don't quite understand how, it really is quite a confidence boaster.

Can someone please remind me of this the next time I am drunkenly trying to text The Nice One? Much appreciated!