Not starting university until the age of 23, I have spent the past three years feeling a wee bit on the old side, however, I have never felt quite so old as I did yesterday during my opticians appointment. And why is this? No, my eyes have not gotten worse fortunately as I haven't been able to read the top line now for many years (tragic! Just tragic), no, for me it's my astigmatism (basically, a refractive error of the eye...) that is diminishing. Why is it that my eyes declining has no effect on me; I cannot see without corrective lenses be them in my actual eye or in the form of glasses anyway, what difference does how little I can see make!? But the adjustment in my astigmatism just makes me feel as if I should start having a blue rinse (a particular favourite of my darling Nanny's). But why is this? Why does an astigmatism feel so much worse? I can only think that my generation simply doesn't discuss things such as astigmatism (and why would we, it doesn't make for thrilling conversation now does it, even if you are struck by it) and coming from a town which has been described by Eddie Izzard as the town 'that people move to to die and forget what they came for', you can imagine the types of conversations I was overhearing as a child. 'Blue rinse' this, 'cataract' that, 'hip replacement' this and oh yes, you guessed it, 'ooooo my astigmatism'.
An astigmatism problem on it's own would seem like nothing but cocktailed with blood tests for an unknown fatiguing syndrome is too much for an over dramatic person to cope with without having constant daydreams of wearing knitted cardigans, saying expression such as 'Good Lord' and 'Crumbs' and having a walking stick...
...Crap, wait. I do own many a knitted item and am forever being teased for my 'Good Lord' 's and 'Crumbs'. So all I would need now is a walking stick and I would fit right in with my old home town folk.
Well I think I should make a stand. A stand for all the young whipper snappers out there that appreciate an outfit made out of wool and some good old fashioned phrases and that just happen to also have an astigmatism which does not allow them to read the bottom line of an opticians board even with corrective lenses (again, just tragic!) Geee Wiz, I think we're top notch and crumbs, it's better than saying 'Oh My Days'...at least our expressions make sense!
But I do draw the line at a blue rinse. Sorry Nanny, I don't really wish to be mistaken for Dame Edna at the age of 26 and frankly, I like my auburn locks too damn much!
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