Is honesty always the best policy...?

The Country One tweeted last week that honesty is not always the best policy, and this started me thinking; do I agree with this statement or not? I have always preached the importance of honesty to the children I have taught and know that I will badger this idea home to my own wee niece when she is old enough to be told, however, when it comes to real life, is honesty always the best policy? A friend of mine recently told a boy that she had strong feelings for him, even though the male friend in question had a long term girlfriend that he is very happy with. She's now miserable, he's embarrassed and I'm told the girlfriend is pissed off and convinced that every pretty girl with a pulse that has the audacity to smile at her boyfriend is in love with him. What a royal mess. In that instance I feel honesty may not have been wise. So perhaps The Country One may have been right.


Goodness knows that I wish men would come clean and simply be honest with us all when it comes to matters of the heart, or the pants in most of their cases (yep, still that transparent men). I previously stated this in my post 'he's just not that into you...' and I stand by the views I shared then. If men were slightly more up front about their feelings, grew some bollocks - big, bloody manly ones - and become less cowardly (OK, yes, I am talking to myself, the commitment phobe, as well when I say this. But I am improving and have even voiced some of my feelings lately. I hope you are all suitably impressed!?) then I think the world would be a much happier place. If men cut out the whole 'Babe,-you-are-like-the-prettiest-girl-I-have-ever-met' shite and started speaking openly and honestly with woman, even if that honesty involved an awkward conversation that may lead to a few girly tears, in the long run it would be far kinder. Closure is a big thing for women. Especially the single ones. How can you expect us to move on if you don't make it crystal clear how you feel about us!? No, seriously, how, I've been trying to work it out for years to no avail. It's harder than trigonometry. But before you throw all your toys out of the pram men, I do agree that women can be nuts (sorry, women, but it's true. Own up!) when it comes to relationships but you men don't help. I think honesty, in this case, is probably a good thing. Although, with all that being said, I do feel that sometimes honesty needs to be filtered. Hearing someone announce that they could 'really see themselves growing old with you' after date number two is enough to have me running for the hilltops of Peru. A simply, I like you so much I'd buy you Nutella is far more effective. Just me!?


However, there are times when honesty needs to be put away in a draw, locked up and immediately thrown into the river Arno. I feel good old Alan Partridge said it far more poetically than I ever could when he said one of my favourite quotes of all time... "I know the ten commandments says 'thou shall not lie' but if the elephant man came in here now with some lip stick on and a nice dress, and said 'how do I look?' Would you say, bearing in mind that he's depressed and has got respiratory problems, would you say 'take that blusher off you ugly, mis-shapened headed elephant tranny'? No. Exactly, you'd say 'You look nice... John'" And I quite agree... Alan. 


If a distant family member strolled over to me looking meek and unsure of herself on her wedding day and asked if her meringue style lime green bridal dress that clashed with her ginger frizz looked OK, I would smile my warmest smile, hug her tightly and tell her she looks absolutely radiant. Why hurt someone's feelings, especially on their wedding day? Honesty would not be worth it.


But here is where my real issue with honesty arises; people using 'honesty' as an opportunity to unleash their inner bitch. Telling a 'friend' that they need to try and control the volume of their laugh because it scares small children and stops others from hanging out with her, is bitchy not honest, however, suggesting that low vee neck tops may suit a large breasted friend and hinting that a polo neck does nothing for her is honest. There may be a subtle difference between the two but if you can't see the difference then you need to go back to your Brownie group leader and ask to retake your 'friendship' badge.


Honesty, like everything in life depends on the situation. Nothing is ever black and white and therefore we need to reflect upon the scene in front of us and decide whether honesty really is the way forward. I, for one, think that the little white lie can be a positive thing and should be used to spare peoples feelings, however, if a white lie is told and then joked about behind that persons back in a cruel, childish, primary school bully way then you should know that you have turned that white lie into ugly gossiping. Shame. On. You. 


Honesty is not always the best policy and can definitely lead to hurt feelings, but wherever humanly possible I find that honesty, in the long run, is far easier. I have a family member who tells so many white lies that I am forever putting my foot in it trying to keep up with them all, retracing my words, badly, and end up sounding slightly drunk in my confusion. So for someone who likes the simple life, I am choosing honesty. Unless, that is you ask me what I think of your newly decorated lilac bathroom; I will say I love it, but deep down, I am throwing up in my mouth.