I think we're all now aware of my current heart ache. No!? Really!? Seriously, where have you been? Please tell me you at least know that there is a new James Bond film out. Or how old Ella Henderson is on this years X Factor? If not, I can only conclude that you've been hiding out in a cave awaiting the George Bush presidential reign to end. It's all OK, he's gone now. The Americans have had someone with a brain for four years now.
Back to the heart ache? Right. Excellent. I have come to the conclusion that when it comes to matters of the heart, just as with everything else I try my hand at, I do not go about it in the "normal" way. Being dyslexic, my brain does not function in the same manner of those of you with a neurotypical brain. It journeys all around the houses, so to speak, to solve an equation or learn a new word. Why? No one really knows for sure, but that's the way my diverse dyslexic brain works. And I wouldn't know how to begin going about my day without my disfunctional way of doing things. This has followed me through childhood and well into my adult life. Not only do I tackle my academic life in this manner but it would appear that I enter into everything I do with this scrambled, mixed up, complicated way of thinking.
But what does this mean for my love life? In short, I am a K-K-K-Katie girl. For those of you that have seen the magnificent film "The Way We Were" staring Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford, you'll know exactly what a K-K-K-Katie girl is. For those of you that haven't, let me clarify this a little. K-K-K-Katie, played superbly by Streisand, is feisty, passionate, opinionated, determined, witty and intelligent. She knows her own mind and she's not afraid to voice it. She goes about her life involving herself in things she believes in, not necessarily what's fashionable. Or seen as "proper" or "correct". In essence, she's complicated. To put it mildly.
She is not the sort of girl who "sluts" up every Halloween or any other fancy dress outfit she dons. She does not wear high heals to college because she is a girl and boys like girls in high heals. She'll wear them because *she* wants to. She doesn't give a tiny rats arse if you're dressed from head to toe in Gucci or Oxfam. Or whether your paycheque is in six figures or not. But boy does she have class and style.
I may not embody every characteristic of K-K-K-Katie, however, I resemble enough to tip me over the edge from being a "simple, girl-next-door" girl to simply being "complicated". In a black and white world (as first brought to my attention during an episode of Sex and the City) there are two types of girls; The Simple Girl and The Katie Girl. Unfortunately for my love life and heart, I am a Katie girl.
I'm quirky (or so my twitter crush informs me. Double eeek!) and silly. I'm a scruff bag and my thought process does distract itself to the most peculiar of places. I am passionate and loyal to a fault. I mime along to my favourite songs. Even in public. Because occasionally, it's just bloody fun pretending you're in a music video. That is me. From a baby with sleep apnea to a deaf toddler with several speech impediments (several. My mother says she remembers ten. How can a person have TEN speech impediments!!? HOW!? Oh, the embarrassment). From an overtly confident child with a penchant for logic puzzles to a serverely dyslexic teenager with a crushed spirit. And now I am an young adult with a burning passion for special needs education and the children we can all help. So much so that I pushed through a Special Needs specialism as part of my old universities teaching program before I left. Not before ruffling a few university feathers though. I am complicated. Quirky and complicated.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a simple girl, please don't get me wrong, I'm just not one of them. And if I think I play at being me badly, how much worse would I play at being A Simple Girl!? Sometimes I wonder how much easier and kinder on my heart being A Simple Girl would be. But then I remember my blog; all the autistic and other complex children I have worked with; the wonderful people I have met; my friends; my life in general. Would it have happened if I wasn't A Katie Girl!? Most definitely not the way that it has. I may have to let my Hubbell (Robert Redford's character) go and I may end up being heart broken as a result. Perhaps I am too complicated a girl for the men of my dreams to suffer but maybe that's the price I have to pay for being the way I am.
I just hope that one day I am mature enough to say "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell!" and mean it.
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