I have always been a really positive person, to the point where one colleague described me as 'annoyingly optismtic'. He meant it as an insult, however, the man has all the personality of a stone. And a dull stone at that. So the insult rolled off my back and I now wear that label with pride. Insult aside, however, I think I proved my point that overall I am pretty positive. So why am I finding it more and more of a struggle to remain in a positive mindset about my up and coming degree results? It's more depressing than the day I found out Father Christmas wasn't real (I still live in hope).
I have only ever failed one assignment, as you may already know if you've read my previous post 'Cool, Calm and Distracted', and that was more than a little ridiculous. So why now, if I have only ever (dubiously) failed one assignment in the three years I have attended university, do I feel so utterly sure that I am not going to pass? It's very unlike me, and frankly, I don't like it.
Could it be the fact that I really don't want to attend my graduation, my mother didn't attend hers and I went to my flatmates last year, those gowns they provide would not pass a Hogwarts inspection I can tell you. Or maybe it's because nearly every other university has already given their students their results and this waiting around is all too much. Patience may be a virtue, but it's a pain in the bloody behind. Perhaps I am finally taking Dynasty's advice and planning for the worst so that if I do indeed receive the best it'll feel like some wonderful treat? Or maybe, just maybe I have suddenly awoken to Phoebe Halliwell's (from 'Charmed', Obvs!) power of premonition? I do hope it is the latter. That would just be all kinds of special. Whatever it is, it doesn't make me feel any more assured of my degree result.
But this negativity is just rubbish. Beyond rubbish, in fact. I have decided that I no longer like this attitude of mine and am going to look on the bright side of things. Silver linings and all that (cliched) jazz. So, if I fail an assignment and have to re-submit I will be awarded my degree a few weeks after everyone else. Is this really a big deal? I won't get to graduate with my friends which is shitty, but frankly, I am fine with not having to wear a 'darling' polyester gown that will no doubt be itchier than a bad case of lice and bring me out in sweats worse than a Zumba class in the mid Egyptian sun. Oh, what a shame that would be.
No, sonny Jim, worrying can piss off, I am not spending the weekend fretting my degree results and yelling at any poor sap that happens to cross my path. I will enjoy the wedding The Jolly One (oh, I miss our Ward 5B days) and get utterly gazeboed with her fabulous friends that I got to spend a delightful hen weekend in Bath with. And I won't think of about my degree ONCE.
As of............now.
(If you are in the same boat, I suggest you do the same. It's so much more enjoyable. Double promise!)
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